As a service to you, our readers, and to the Brooklyn Heights community at large, we present “An Evening at Food Maestro” as told to BHB food critic Mrs. Fink via IM:
Qfwfq: FOOD MAESTRO!
Mrs. Fink: how was it
Qfwfq: holy crap
Mrs. Fink: tell me
Qfwfq: there was NO ONE in there…not even staff
Qfwfq: loitered about the place for five minutes before someone showed up
Mrs. Fink: food?
Qfwfq: from Gristede’s
Mrs. Fink: huh?
Qfwfq: it was bad. the menu was all over the place, hovering around some generic Italian theme
Qfwfq: started with the “French Onion Soup”
Qfwfq: a bit watery, sweet, and I think the cheese was a couple of slices of the plastic-wrapped variety
Mrs. Fink: ewwwwwwwww
Qfwfq: I had the “Spaghetti Bolognese with Meat Sauce”
Qfwfq: very greasy, and they gave a ton. the pepto bismol hasn’t left my side since.
Mrs. Fink: NICE
Qfwfq: Friend got the grilled chicken breast with mixed vegetables and mashed potatoes.
Qfwfq: ever have the frozen “vegetable medley” from the grocery store? that was the “mixed vegetables”. either that, or the entire dish was a Hungry Man special
Qfwfq: the chicken wasn’t dry, I’ll give it that.
Mrs. Fink: such a weird menu!
Qfwfq: the whole place had a weird vibe
Qfwfq: initially, they wanted us to sit all the way in the back, but I insisted on sitting by the window. I thought that’s what restaurants do, fill up the seats by the window. we were right by the “Wall Of Tea”
Mrs. Fink: i dont get that
Qfwfq: It’s an American Bistro in a French Country style restaurant with an Italian menu, California winelist, and a Wall Of Tea. What don’t you get?
Qfwfq: they had music. some classical station which kept losing reception. we could still hear the thumping reggae coming from the kitchen.
Mrs. Fink: omg
Qfwfq: the waitress was very nice
Qfwfq: I don’t think I can eat again
Mrs. Fink: it sounds insane
Qfwfq: when I got the check I asked: “so….what’s the story with this place?”
Mrs. Fink: and?
Qfwfq: she just started a couple of months ago, usually works at aficionada. said it was “busy” during the holidays, but business dropped off considerably
Qfwfq: she said it’s owned by two people, who don’t have anything to do with the previous establishments.
They were referred to as “The Partners”. Nothing more was spoken of them. The waitress expressed surprise that the place has been so empty for so long, and asked us to tell all our friends to come down. So Please come down and keep the waitress company. Or get her a job at a better restaurant.