84th Precinct Police Blotter – 3/8/11

bugleblotter-300x1711 A woman with expensive jewelry leaves her apartment unlocked, with shocking results. Additional shocking results at Planet Fitness. And a hilarious new way to open a checking account. It’s this week’s police blotter.

I never noticed this before, but behind where I transcribe the police reports is a printed sign that’s meant to say “Detectives” with an arrow pointing left. Except someone took a few artistic liberties, so it now says “Defectives.” It wasn’t me officer, I swear. I was just holding this Bic for a friend. (This insider’s view of the 84 was brought to you by Planet Fitness.) And now, on to the rest of the story.

At the corner of Bridge St. and Willoughby St. last Friday, a man claimed he was punched in the face by a co-worker. Filed under “so you think you’re having a bad day?”

At 11:25 p.m. Wednesday at the corner of Sands St. and Adams St., a 55-year-old man was walking past three men when suddenly, one knocked him down while the others held him and went through his pockets. They made off with a debit card, but the 22, 20 and 18-year-olds were soon arrested.

While a man was teaching bible class on Sunday at the First Presbyterian Church on Henry St., someone else was sneaking into his office and stealing his laptop.

**Planet Fitness Alert** An athlete tried to outsmart the gym thieves by working out with his wallet in his pocket instead of locked in a locker, where it would surely be stolen. But then the wallet fell out. -$100 for you, thanks for playing the Planet Fitness Game where nobody wins, but everybody gets great abs.

Remsen St. was the site of a burglary last Saturday. And I’m not talking foofy iPad stuff. The 34-year-old victim admitted she’d left her apartment unlocked while she went to run errands; in that time someone (or someones) made off with a $6K men’s Rolex; $4K women’s Rolex; $3K earrings; $3K ring; $2K ring; $800 earrings; and $300.

Similarly, a few hours later on Livingston St., a woman reported that $45K diamond engagement rings, a $15K diamond Rolex and $1K watch were stolen. The victim said multiple people had keys to the apartment, so it was difficult to say which was the culprit, if any. A case for Poirot, peut-être?

And finally, at the Chase Bank on Montague St., a 56-year-old man tried to open a bank account with a forged check made out for $500 million. “A” for effort! At least give this guy a toaster or clock radio. And that’s this week’s blotter.

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  • GHB

    Thanks, Heather! If it weren’t for peoples’ stupidity, these police blotters would be empty!

  • Demonter

    I knew a guy many years ago that had his Cadillacs “stolen” every other year…and his motorboat too one time. Everything was insured to the max….poor fella.

  • David on Middagh

    @GHB: Remind me to mug you, smartypants.

  • x

    Those Rolexes and expensive watches just happen to be in the right place and right time to get stolen!!

    What happened to getting safety deposit boxes?

    I smell an insurance fraud.

  • nabeguy

    Got to hand it to that last guy. In the age of post-Madoff scams, he must have thought that 500 million was a drop in the bucket.

  • nabeguy

    If Planet Fitness was Planet Witness, there’d probably be a lot less crime there.

  • http://selfabsorbedboomer.blogspot.com Claude Scales

    Seems to be more like Planet Witless.

  • T.K. Small

    I am still trying to get someone to steal my $10, Canal St., Rolex.