Hello sports fans! If you were wondering where I went, A) I got a full-time job in August, but B) that has meant little time for me to trek to the 84 to transcribe police reports about hot iPhones. However, Homer’s sobbing pleas, the fact that I work from home, and the sky-high Brooklyn Heights rents mean that here I am again.
So I’ll start with two accounts of sleepy straphangers who awoke several hundred dollars lighter. The first incident took place around 3:45 a.m. last Sunday—a 29-year-old man stumbled onto a southbound 2 train and passed out long enough to allow a perp to slice open his pants pockets and steal his $700 Samsung Galaxy. Interestingly, in the report under “Modus Operandi” was typed: “Lush Worker.” When I asked the precinct officer what that meant, he made a face and said, “Transit Police.” I guess they use more liberal jargon.
The second incident took place a week earlier on a southbound A train—this time, the victim was a 23-year-old male who had both his pants and shirt cut open but only lost $20 and a Virgin Moblie that was valued even less.
Keep your eyes peeled for a stolen black 2013 Ducati, NJ lic# 2HFJ5, it was stolen from outside 24 Joralemon St.
On October 4th, a 29-year-old woman left her bag unattended at a New York Sports Club, and later discovered that not only was it stolen, but whoever took it made the most of their time with her American Express card, to the tune of $4,678.
Hey there, Planet Fitness, it’s been awhile. Either you’ve stepped up security or your patrons actually started locking their lockers. However, one forgot to do so, and lost a TD debit card with $300 on it. Congratulations, though, keep up the good work!
Also at a New York Sports Club, a 64-year-old man claimed his locker was broken into, and among the stolen items were $80 and a Civil Court Judge Gold Shield, which apparently is only worth $10. But Mr. Civil Court Judge, if you’re interested, I could move that thing for big bucks on eBay.
Under the heading of “I Don’t Do Mondays” comes this odd story of a man in a van who pulled over on Tillary St last Monday to check a flat tire. Somehow while doing so, a thief made his way into the van and stole a box with $108,000 inside of it. The company listed as “victim” was called BKNY ATM, so the officer and I got as far as guessing it had something to do with collecting ATM cash. Google revealed little.
So, until next time! Also, the film of the day in the Crime Analysis office was, swear to God, Serpico. And that’s this week’s blotter.
