One Mom’s Battle Against the Wack Jobs of Brooklyn Heights

By on August 27, 2012 12:26 am in Brooklyn Heights, Kids, Parents, War On Fun

We received a fiery dispatch from a BHB reader/Mom over the weekend. Given the fact that Mrs. Fink and I have had similar brushes with the “eccentric” side of Brooklyn Heights since Baby Fink was born in 2010, we wonder if any of you have had similar experiences. Check out our reader’s tale of Brooklyn Heights Crazy after the jump.

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In my 20’s and 30’s I lived on the Upper East Side. I lived with my boyfriend, we were artists had no kids and were not ashamed to eat Ramen Noodles. So, I would bristle every time a perfectly manicured and accessorized UES mom suddenly stopped their $700 stroller in the middle of the crowded sidewalk to give their darling, adorably dressed charges a cookie. I would grit my teeth and think, “JUST PULL OVER.” So, now that I’m a mom respectfully do my best not to block the narrow jagged sidewalks of my beloved Brooklyn Heights. I say I succeed about 90% of the time.

Now, I’m not proud of this but I have from time to time, been know to shoot my mouth off. Combine that with a mom’s fierce, primal instinct to defend their child and it’s a volatile combination.

But I have NO idea what happened this past week. Maybe Mercury was in retrograde or the planets aligned in some horrible way, but the wack job haters were out in force. And they found ME. Let’s just say I now know how a person could lift a car off their kid.

1) Starbucks arty woman in black says to my friend twice, “2 kids? You should keep your legs shut!” I said “Eccentric is one thing, rude is another. How bout you keep your mouth shut!”

2) Sidewalk on Pierrepont (Mom and daughter push in between stroller and my son and actually moved my son out of the way. The words excuse me never crossed their lips. I am, for once, speechless but when one of them turns around to give me a dirty look from across the street I scream “Don’t touch my kid, how bout “Excuse Me?!”

3) Eastern Athletic (With PLENTY of room on the sidewalk a man pushes between my friend, my stroller and I, steps on my friend’s foot and yells at me “You must have a very strong sense of entitlement! You’re taking up the whole sidewalk” Honestly, we weren’t. He even dared to take a step toward us with my son in the stroller. I turned the stroller away and said “you are going to get in my face when I have my child in the stroller? What is WRONG WITH YOU?!” He kept screaming and entered the club. I almost called the cops to have him arrested…my call to the club manager was pointless. They won’t intervene if an incident happens on the sidewalk, only inside the club.

I’ve given up hope that people will hold doors for us. And it’s only when I have an expression of total panic on my face that someone will assist us down the Subway stairs. But, these incidents this week put me over the edge. So to answer the psycho from Eastern Athetic’s question: YES I do have a sense of entitlement! I am entitled to defend my child! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? How is it ok to TOUCH another person’s child? What happened to “excuse me?” Why is there so much hostility toward women taking care of children? Knowing that any clever retort (real or imagined) I make can’t change bad behavior, why can’t I keep my cool? Has anything like this happened to you? Mama needs a glass of wine.

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  • Anonymouse

    Actually, you missed my point completely, Mr. Crusty. I don’t care that you hate me EVEN THOUGH i am ALWAYS considerate. And I don’t have a double wide. Nice try though.

  • Mr. Crusty

    I don’t’ know you so I couldn’t possible hate you. Stop playing the victim. Nobody “hates” mothers. We dislike inconsiderate, self centered, narcissistic, entitled mothers. If the apron fits wear it.

  • Anonymouse

    Right, but I am not that type of mother. And yet I get lots of bad looks and mean comments. And trust me, i am NOT the problem. I get them for merely WALKING with my stroller (not double wide), walking on the SIDE of the sidewalk, not in the middle. I get them gratuitously, often.

    I’ve been thinking more about this, and reading the NYTimes piece on this that someone posted. I think it’s amazing that the NYTimes is devoting time to this. The real reason for these tensions is that there are so many childless relatively young people these days. When most people had kids, and had them earlier, when it was taken for granted that one had kids, people were more understanding and accommodating. These days, it’s perceived as yet another luxury.

  • Mr. Crusty

    @anonymouse I am a bit older than you I imagine and I can tell what has changed is not that people are less accommodating towards parents but that parents are expecting to do things that were unheard of “in my time”.

    If you read the NY Times article there was the story of the bar owner that had to prohibit children in his establishment because so many parents were bringing their newborn infants into the bar at 10 pm at night. Again, that is not something that my generation would EVER have thought of doing. The change is how new parents don’t want to sacrifice anything of their life for their children, they just want to impose them on everyone else.

    I’ve reprinted what the bar owner said because I think it is indicative of the change that the new entitled parenting has brought us.

    “Based on my experience tending bar over the past 10 years in Brooklyn, I’ve found that about half of new parents are self-absorbed and feel entitled to do anything they want. Businesses have every right to dictate policy regarding children and strollers. Strollers can take up the space of three paying customers and create a hazard when left in high-traffic areas. Parents wrapped up so tightly in their new family world don’t realize that their unruly children ruin things for those around them who are trying to enjoy a nice meal or a drink at the bar.

    My childless customers and the parents who hire a baby sitter are grateful that I have a strict ‘no kids’ policy.

    Children in a bar change the dynamics for the adults trying to relax. Screaming babies not taken outside and toddlers running about unattended led my regulars to leave, which is why I wrote “The Stroller Manifesto.” This sense of entitlement takes many forms. I’ve had parents try to come into my bar at 10 p.m. with a newborn so they can drink beers with their friends, or at 9 p.m. on a busy Friday night with their S.U.V.-sized stroller to catch a band. That’s just not appropriate. It shows an utter lack of consideration for others; it’s as if these parents live in a bubble, unaware of anyone around them.

    Kids in a bar are a buzz kill; and God forbid you swear near a child in a bar! My childless customers and even the parents who hire a baby sitter to venture out for a night are grateful that I have a strict “no kids” policy.

    I’m not a baby-hater. I just hate them in my bar.”

    http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/08/27/are-modern-parents-self-absorbed/why-i-dont-allow-kids-in-my-bar

    Again, it is not that people are less accepting of parents and children it is that parents are forcing their children on the rest of us in a way that never happened in the past.

  • soulman

    Since race has now come into this I must add the following: I am a grey-haired “white” man who always gives seats to pregnant women, kids (even with dads) and anyone with a cane or obvious infirmity. However, when my son was about 5 (30 years ago) I took him with me everyday that I taught in a summer program waaay uptown. Almost every trip, someone made room for him – sometimes on their laps. The Samaritans were almost always Caribbean women of a certain age, but occasionally another parent would give him room. I met one of my future students that way – they shared a lap, only to meet again about 6 years later.

  • Anonymouse

    I read that. I am not saying it’s ok to bring your newborn into a crowded bar on a Sat night. Nor do I do this. I am talking about the hate for going to the supermarket or walking unobtrusively on the sidewalk.

  • zburch

    I lived in Atlanta for 5 years and it totally sucked. No waterfront, annoying people, terrible traffic, bad crime, hot as hell. Anywhere in NYC is better. However, southern kids on average are better behaved and have better manners.

  • eg

    To all of you – I find this whole discussion unbelievably sad. I use a walker for my disability and I have never encountered this nasty world of people you’re talking about. I am here now for 34 years, and have grown grey or (white-haired)by now. People everywhere open doors, help me up steps, and make way for me as I walk around the streets. Never a hard word but kind people coming over to ask if I happen to stop, to see if I’m alright.

    Why should people behave so differently when children are involved? What about looking out for each other?

  • Rick

    @Mr. Crusty, I think you are spot on.

    Some very good points made by Schoolmarm and Neighbor Hood, too.

  • WillowSt.Neighbor

    Schoolmarm,
    Well said. I remember telling my children that if they did not behave when visiting neighbors they would not be invited back.
    I do not remember either one of them having a temper tantrum in the stores. When they were two, I took them to the local library in their umbroller stroller and they picked out their own books. (with a little help from Mom). They were well behaved because that’s what was expected of them.
    They both have children of their own now and it will be interesting to see how the grandkids are raised.

  • shamrock

    When I read the author’s initial post, with just but one comment on the thread, I figured it was going to be a hot topic. I also couldn’t help but think something seemed a bit suspect about the post and was curious how others would respond. Perception is a funny thing, would be interesting to hear the other players (supposed “whack-jobs”) sides of said scenarios.

    We are in an age of entitlement. Sadly, so many people seem to be more self-absorbed than ever, as if common sense etiquette doesn’t even exist anymore. A number of posters have brought up such a key crucial factor, and that’s upbringing. I couldn’t agree more (not to say positive behavior can’t be learned) and only wish I was able to communicate that point as eloquently as some have on this thread.

    As far as unruly kids, amongst other things, I just don’t see how any parent would think it’s even remotely acceptable to let their kid tear down the store isles on a scooter. I see this all the time.

    On a side note, was rather puzzled to hear women posting no one (“white” males, no less) ever offering them a seat on the trains during pregnancy. On a positive note, I’ve ALWAYS seen men give up their seats (and yes, white men too), as I always do myself.

  • Barry Aldridge

    I live in Lakeview, the Chicago neighborhood around Wrigley Field on the north side. Some, by no means all, young parents here seem to feel the inflated prices they pay for housing are like an admission ticket and that this isn’t a city, but the “Big City” ride at DIsneyWorld. If it isn’t real, then things like manners and consideration don’t mean anything. Maybe their grown-up kids think of Chicago as too provincial and take their attitudes to Brooklyn Heights. Sorry about that, New York.

  • Rick

    Small point, Schoolmarm had mentioned the supermarket carts that small children can ride in, instead of using a stroller. I was just shopping in Key Food on Montague Street and when I noticed that they provide customers that very type of cart, I was reminded that ABC had said no such carts exist anymore. I thought I’d report that they do.

  • Wiley E.

    Has this post scored the most comments ever?

  • pankymom

    Dear Posting Mama — hope you got your glass of wine. I am with ya and I have two of my own and I am on YOUR side. We spent the summer in our home state by the sea and it was a revelation — people knew what to do with a real live FAMILY in their midst: they could feed us, sell us stuff, find room for us, predict our behavior, and enjoy us with THEIR families too! They actually liked children and parents and expected to meet many more! Here’s the thing Sage Childless New York — what would your mama have said getting treated like that when out with YOU? She would have ranted just as we do, because you were no less in the way, loud, spoiled, expensive or obnoxious as our wee ones.

  • Eve

    I’m so amazed by most of the commentators’ writings, where most of them were just looking somewhere to spill out all the mean things and hatred towards, parenting ways and kids. Parents are like everybody else so there are thoughtless, mean and rude ones among them, which is super normal as normal as there are jerks among childless ones.
    And judging how many kids one should have, or what one says to his/her child? It is certainly non of the anyone else’s business and one better keep your mouth shut in there.
    I think main problem is (besides people are being so self absorbed to have a tiny bit of empathy for the other) the city is not designed to give equal access to all types of users. Along with stroller community, handicapped and old or sick are not welcome either as I understand. (It is at least still politically incorrect to say evict the old and handicapped) We should be thinking of having less cars and larger walking spaces which would accommodate handicapped chairs, people who would walk slow, or for a parent who would pull to side to give snack to a toddler that won’t make it to home for lunch, and maybe a little common sense for everyone and empathy.

  • Neighbor Hood

    @pankymom- “they could feed us, sell us stuff, find room for us, predict our behavior”….”predict our behavior”!?!?
    There’s NOTHING I need to add to that comment. Your “home state by the sea” sounds like the PERFECT place to raise your children.

  • bagel boy

    When did it actually become mandatory to walk up or down and escalator. Escalator stairs are much taller than regular stairs and not everyone can or wants to walk while the escalator is moving. The mom’s and kids around here are obnoxious and rude in just about every way. Hopefully daddy makes enough coin to carry these brats through their lives. They are unkempt entitled spoiled brats.

  • Mr. Crusty

    @pankymom “what would your mama have said getting treated like that when out with YOU? She would have ranted just as we do, because you were no less in the way, loud, spoiled, expensive or obnoxious as our wee ones.”

    No, my mom would have not allowed me to scream in a restauraunt for 15 minutes straight. My mom would not have clogged up the aisles of a drug store with a huge stroller. My mom would not have allowed me to block adults from walking on the sidewalk. My mom would not have brought me into a bar so she can have drinks with her friends.

    It’s not the kids we are complaining about it is their selfish, obnoxious parents who think their progeny are the center of the universe.

  • Kevin

    ” In Dumbo on Saturday, I was confronted by two young, stroller-pushing women and a man walking abreast and taking up the entire width of the sidewalk and I had to step into the street to let them pass. ”

    well then you are doing it wrong… just keep walking straight ahead and don’t make eye contact. .. walk right into them if you have to…

  • Kevin

    “When did it actually become mandatory to walk up or down and escalator”

    stand right, walk left Bagel Boy… if you are on the right don’t let anyone push ou around.

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